Shine On -- But It Ain't Gonna Help

We all know about putting lipstick on a pig, and making a silk purse from a sow's ear. Ever hear of polishing a turd? It's the backwoods cousin to those other colloquialisms for trying to make something better than it really is.

Turd polishing quickly came to mind recently with the celebration of the George W. Bush Presidential Library.  We, on the left, mused about a room full of coloring books and crayons. Those on the right celebrated the President who "kept America safe for eight years." (Of course, we won't discuss the first attack on America since WWII, thousands dead, and TWO wars.)

Yes, every President is entitled to a library.  Even the weakest administration possesses documents and items of value to history. It is part of being the POTUS, no matter your politics, your successes, or your failures.

But a Presidential library should not be an opportunity to rewrite history. Why else would library representative Karen Hughes invite us to visit the library and learn about the Bush presidency?  No thank you, Ms. Hughes! I lived -- or rather survived -- those years.  I don't need to "learn" what happened in your view of things.  I don't need you to polish the turd that is Dubya's legacy to America.

And just to put it all in perspective, I offer a few other examples of polishing a turd (in no particular order).

1. Absolutely anything involving Donald Trump.
2. John Boehner's tears -- as many as they are, they can't wash away that fake tan.
3. Tiger Woods' return to golf -- OK he's a great golfer, but he's still an overpaid philandering schmuck.
4. Sarah Palin as anything other than a has-been beauty queen.
5. Michelle Bachmann trying to convince us that she has a brain -- or that husband Marcus isn't gay.  Can we just say "beard"?
6. Any interview with OJ Simpson.  'Nuff said.
7. Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, and the list goes on. Despite your legions of fans, you're still nothing more than a dressed-up turd.
8. Jerry Falwell's tears -- or any crying evangelist for that matter.
9. Michael Vick's return to the NFL.  Nothing could ever improve this POS excuse for a human being.
10. And anytime we are bombarded with commercials for a new movie or TV show.  I don't care if they are only 15 seconds long, EIGHT commercials an hour for that new Tom Cruise movie is overkill. And it also means it's a real stinker.

There are so many more, and they are all best ignored.  To paraphrase Dan Rather, if it looks like a turd, and it feels like a turd, and it smells like a turd, then it is a turd. And I, for one, will just steer clear of that shit.